Some of you may recall my short lived escapades with a local physician a few years back… I met him in a department store. At first glance I thought he was gay. I remember thinking that I have a lot of male friends that would love to meet him. He was looking my direction and when he approached me I was thinking that he was simply searching for help in locating the correct isle for some elusive cleaning product. I was quite surprised when he introduced himself and asked me to join him later that evening for a drink. Things progressed from there and for the few months we would see each other a few times a week. The sex was pretty good and he kept an ample selection of good imported beers, so I guess I could say I was enjoying his company. Over time I had began to develop some sort of feelings toward him. Certainly not love, but I have to admit that I had allowed myself to think of fondly and his bed had become a place of comfort and reprise. He is divorced and it was obvious that he had not gotten over his ex-wife. I don’t believe either of us had any ideas of a future together, but I felt that there was an good amount of mutual respect between us. Although it came as no big surprise when our contact began to fade away and eventually ended completely, I was annoyed that he was not mature enough to simply say we should part company.
So a few weeks ago I am sitting at the kitchen table when the home phone rings. I nearly jump out of my skin. I live in an older home and have a working rotary phone hanging on my dining room wall. It’s of the vintage avocado green variety and when it rings it can rival the best of air raid sirens. This was strange because only family and close friends have my home number and the thing rarely gets the chance to scare the bejeezus outta me. I grab my heart and the receiver at same time. It’s him. He says he has been trying to find me. I am thinking that he must not have been trying too hard because I live in the same place, drive the same car and have the same mobile number, but whatever. I am slightly intrigued, but have really moved on and there is more than enough on my plate at the moment. He goes on about how he has missed me and that he lost my mobile number and he finally found my home number via the internet… how lovely…
After a few minutes of him rambling on he asks me if I have plans for the night. I am really not feeling the situation so give him my mobile number, make a joke about him saving it this time, and blow him off for the night. It does not take long for him to start texting me. It starts out mildly enough but I cringe when I see that I have an incoming picture message. Why is it that men think women would want to gaze at a picture of their hairy balls and crooked penis? Seriously… is there some misguided website out there that advises men to routinely shock innocent woman with forth-rate porn pictures with “sent from my iphone” watermarked at the bottom?
So my internal ENGAGE IGNORING SEQUENCE warning light begins to flash like mad. What is really up here? I am pretty sure I know… he just wants sex…
(I was right… I just had no idea how right!)
It’s been a few days and I am doing an excellent job of ignoring his calls and text messages. Then it got really strange… So strange that at first I thought he was joking…
The first off-the-wall message asked me if I wanted to make some money. Well…now of course I want to make money… but in my experience offers such as these never seem to be of the legal variety. We all know that curiosity kills so I send a reply asking what, exactly, is he getting at. The reply made me take a seat: “I will give you $500 if you will spend the night with me”. Excuse me? Just who does this jerk think he is, or better yet, who does he think ‘I’ am? As I sit there with my mouth hanging open, I receive another text. It simply says “$700”.
Now I’ve had all kinds of sex in my day.. good, bad, sloppy, amazing and some that I am still trying to forget… but I have NEVER had sex that I would pay money for… especially the ridiculous amounts that he seems to be suggesting. As I stated earlier, I am having a difficult time believing that this is for real. He must just be uber-drunk and will be ashamed of himself in the morning.
No such luck kiddies! The next night the bid starts out at $1000. I send him a text that says: "are you trying to BUY me??" He replies: "does that offend you?"
Then I receive: "what will it take?? $5000?!"
This is insane! I do not reply to any of these and then the most heart stopping text of all: "We can work out $10,000"
Time to "phone a friend". I dial friend #1. Of course, #1 basically tells me I am crazy for not jumping on the offer to get paid to have sex with someone that I have already 'done the deed' with before... But it feels so... wrong. Had I not had a touch of feeling for the man in the past, I suppose its possible that I would have a different view of the situation, but in the given circumstances, I just cannot bring myself to do it. On to friend #2. Now I am offered a few different scenarios designed to set him up, tie him up , and take the money... no sex required. What a supportive set of friends I have.
