Porcelain Doll Syndrome

There is a girl in the office here that I have diagnosed (recall that I have that Street PhD) with the mental illness of Porcelain Doll Syndrome.

Now before any of you start poppin' off about me being insensitive to mental illness, please recall that it is my field of work and this is all in good fun

In order to understand Porcelain Doll Syndrome we must first look at the traits of a Porcelain Doll itself. We have all seen them, sitting on a shelf, looking beautiful and staring blankly.

They are lovely to look at. Dressed nicely, perfect face and a smooth finish.

But inside they are hollow. Completely empty and void of life and personality. Fragile and so very easily broken.

This is describes this little girl so perfectly. I say little. I think that she is very close to my own age, but her actions seem to be that of high school girls, so to me she is "little". In true 'copper' fashion, I suppose I need to give her a name. How about "Dolly"? I like it.

Now to the the story:

Dolly infuriates me. Here's why:

1. She just sits there staring at me as if she believes that as long as I am in the room she has no need to speak. Her job requires her to be a good judge of character, but if you are afraid to ask questions in front of your supervisor, are you truly effective even when you don't have an audience?

2. She becomes extremely jealous if someone takes a cigarette break or goes to lunch with a certain male in the office. We all think she is secretly infatuated with this gentleman, but to hear her tell it she looks at him with disgust. But Dolly, if this is so true, why do you turn red as a beet and march to the other end of the building if you come outside and see us smoking near the fountain? But let you have a second sneak up to his office and guess who we see when we come looking? And you smile so sweetly then, as if all your little girl cares float away.

3. As her supervisor, I sometimes have to speak to her about small issues in her job performance. She will the stomp around and sulk as she had been scolded and now wants to throw a temper tantrum.

4. Dolly is a very pretty girl. If you took a picture of her and asked others about her beauty she would be given good remarks. But when you add in her personality the picture changes. She is attractive, and she knows it. I have heard rumors that she believes herself to be the most attractive of all of us here. That's a strong statement to make about yourself.

Given all of this, I was shopping at a dime store and came upon a shelf of very cute little dolls. Porcelain Dolls. Dressed in lace and flowing hair. Who do you think I was reminded of? Of course our Dolly. So I purchased one and brought it to the office. I placed the doll on a shelf in my office and there she sat for around a month.

I was sitting at my desk and there was some chatter down the hall. I tried to block it out and continue what I was doing. I had had enough and got up to close my door. As I got near I heard Dolly and another voice I did not recognize. As I peered around the corner I heard Dolly giggle and say " Yea I like Copper's dress too but it would look so much better on me, my thighs look better than hers".

Now you know ya girl Copper wanted to act a damn fool! I could not be unprofessional, I closed my door and then I saw her. I had almost forgotten she was up there. She had blended into the other little odds and ends I have collected over the years. I grabbed her down and in a fit of anger turned around and threw her at my closed door. She hit the back of it and shattered. My navy blue carpet was covered in chunk and bits of creamy white. The lacy little dress lay in the corner. A knock at the door now. I open it to see Dolly standing there. She sees the destruction in the floor in front of her.

"What happened?" she asks.

"I broke the doll" I said flatly

" Hmm, just as well" she says, "I never though it was a very pretty doll anyway"

I think I will go back to the dime store and buy a case of those little dolls. They are great alternatives to busting some little trick's face cause she crossed the line!

Copper!