You can be lonely, even if you are not alone

Blue, that's my Valentine's Day color. Guess everyone has complaints, guess I should feel lucky to have a man to spend that day with. A man that wants to marry me even. But what if I don't want to marry him? What if I have known for at least a year now that its so completely over, that I am wasting my time. That while I am wasting my time, what if my prince gets tired of waiting for me and settles for someone else? Sounds like I should just move on, huh? After 6 years, it difficult. But I KNOW that he is not the right one for me. I can feel it. I am sick to death of being mentally and occasionally physically abused.

Oh now he's never broken any bones or left bruises where clothing would not cover, he's too smart for that. But I can handle the physical, I am a wildcat when need be, and I will go to blows with him when necessary, but he's a wrestler by nature and if he gets me off my feet is over, I don't have the body weight to overpower him. So whatever, bruises will eventually fade.

Its the mental scars that wont..............

Bitch, cunt, whore, slut. You disgust me, you make me miserable. Fuck you, you ain't shit. Get the fuck outta my face or I'll choke you you fuckin white whore. This is daily. Of, course he apologizes, but so what.

Oh and simply for background information, I am the Administrator of a corporation that I single handed built from a blank paper, with only financial support from the owner. I used to be a model, before I became a mother (but don't get it twisted, i'm still bangin) And I pay ALL the bills, he doesn't have a job. AND during our relationship he chose to sleep with his friend and now has a baby by her. Sweet huh?

I met a man during the course of this ill fated relationship.He's a true devoted Christian man. He is smooth and hard all at the same time. His skin is so dark and rich, like I could lick every inch ad not be satisfied. I want him for my own, but I will probably never be able to make that claim. I have looked all over the net to see if he has a blog (not a stalker, just curious, I like voyeurism)

But he is still experiencing life, and a spirit like his could never be tied down against its will. It would be unnatural.

I just long so badly for that type of man. Someone to nurture me, a strong sexy black man who wants me for who and what I am. I no longer wish to be taken advantage of. I think that its sick that alot of interraial relationships consist of the white girl being used and abused. I personally know many couples that are of mixed race and each person is respected and cherished by their mate. Thats what I want!!!

I can only hope that it comes to me before its too late!!