We have three restrooms at my office. All of them uni-sex. Personally, I try to avoid the use of ANY public restrooms, including the ones at work. Of course, during a 9 to 10 hour day, I find myself needing to make use of the facilities at least once. Now comes the question: Which restroom is safest today? Sounds silly, huh? Well not when you take all the players involved into consideration...
1. The janitor: He is supposed to keep things clean and tidy, right? Well, when you smell of cheap wine and Beech-Nut (chewing tobacco), it is hard to leave the essence of "clean" in the air. So its best to "go" before he gets started on the restrooms for the day
2. The shitty secretary: Nice lady, got to love her.. except that every day around 2:00, you know to avoid the restroom beside the fax machine. In fact, best practice would be to make sure and send ALL faxes for the day, before lunch. The aroma tends to bleed through the door frame and contaminate the entire fax/copy room area
3. Mr. Pissy: Its simple, he works Monday, Wednesday and Friday. His office is near the main conference room restroom and he can't aim. Nuf' said.
4: Various Vagrants: We get a lot of drop in "potty dancers" that come to the front desk asking to use the restroom. They are sent to one in the lobby. But odds are that they spend much more time "shootin up or smokin up" than "zipping up". We have found their various articles and instruments, left behind in their haste. It's great!
So where does all this leave me? Balancing on my toes so that my ass is at least 2 inches away from the seat, trying to pee into the hole in the center, holding my clothes from touching the floor. Breathing as few breaths as possible and trying desperately not to black out.
Good times!!
5 comments:
Hey Copper,
Your post reminds me of the story of the mystery smear. At my wife's last job there was a woman who always left a rather large smear of sh*t on the seat when done with her business.
It became something of an office joke with the ladies and finally,as luck would have my wife solved the mystery one day when the Smearing Culprit was seen leaving the booth with evidence left behind.
Good to see you posting again on a regular basis so take care and enjoy your weekend.
Cheers,
Doug
(aka Scooter Guy)
Goodness! Im the same, I always try to avoid using public toilets...ESPECIALLY in clubs. Ew I cant even imagine how it'd look in there. Funnily enough most of the time I don't feel like going then when I get home I run straight for the toilet.
Ugh public toilets...nasty!
"Excuse me, I have to go to the ladies' room. Be right back."
Why do I always say 'be right back'? What's gonna happen? Like I'm gonna fall in?
Heaven help you if ya fell in around this place! But thats so true, WHY do people say that??
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That last paragraph is classic bloggin material!!
Let me be honest with you copper . . . most men CAN aim . . . we just exercise the right not to. Who really pisses all over the toilet seat at home?
At work we want to pass on the bad vibes . . . so when you walk into the cubicle and see the seat splashed consider yourself tagged!
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