Priceless Information

50 Things She Wishes You Knew
Universal truths that all men should--but don't--understand

1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.

2. Real men drive stick shift.

3. I will leave if you lie.

4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).


5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.

6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.

7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.

8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.

9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.

10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.

11. I expect you to call me.

12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.

13. I'm scared of losing my independence.

14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.

15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.

16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)

17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a.) ...having a fat day. b.) ...not feeling "connected" to you. c.) ...blackmailing you to get something I want.

18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.

19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it.

20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.

21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.

22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.

23. You should never tell me what to do.

24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.

25. My breasts love much licking and sucking.

26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.

27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.

28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.

29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.

30. I want to be Madonna.

31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.

32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.

33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.

34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.

35. Surprises, especially gifts for me = more loving.

36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this.

37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking....

38. Discussion of ex-wives and ex-husbands should be avoided at all times.

39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.

40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.

41. I love it when you're sweaty.

42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.

43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.

44. I like porn.

45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.

46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.

47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...

48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.

49. I remember everything about our relationship.

50. You should know all this and more without my telling you.

Porcelain Doll Syndrome

There is a girl in the office here that I have diagnosed (recall that I have that Street PhD) with the mental illness of Porcelain Doll Syndrome.

Now before any of you start poppin' off about me being insensitive to mental illness, please recall that it is my field of work and this is all in good fun

In order to understand Porcelain Doll Syndrome we must first look at the traits of a Porcelain Doll itself. We have all seen them, sitting on a shelf, looking beautiful and staring blankly.

They are lovely to look at. Dressed nicely, perfect face and a smooth finish.

But inside they are hollow. Completely empty and void of life and personality. Fragile and so very easily broken.

This is describes this little girl so perfectly. I say little. I think that she is very close to my own age, but her actions seem to be that of high school girls, so to me she is "little". In true 'copper' fashion, I suppose I need to give her a name. How about "Dolly"? I like it.

Now to the the story:

Dolly infuriates me. Here's why:

1. She just sits there staring at me as if she believes that as long as I am in the room she has no need to speak. Her job requires her to be a good judge of character, but if you are afraid to ask questions in front of your supervisor, are you truly effective even when you don't have an audience?

2. She becomes extremely jealous if someone takes a cigarette break or goes to lunch with a certain male in the office. We all think she is secretly infatuated with this gentleman, but to hear her tell it she looks at him with disgust. But Dolly, if this is so true, why do you turn red as a beet and march to the other end of the building if you come outside and see us smoking near the fountain? But let you have a second sneak up to his office and guess who we see when we come looking? And you smile so sweetly then, as if all your little girl cares float away.

3. As her supervisor, I sometimes have to speak to her about small issues in her job performance. She will the stomp around and sulk as she had been scolded and now wants to throw a temper tantrum.

4. Dolly is a very pretty girl. If you took a picture of her and asked others about her beauty she would be given good remarks. But when you add in her personality the picture changes. She is attractive, and she knows it. I have heard rumors that she believes herself to be the most attractive of all of us here. That's a strong statement to make about yourself.

Given all of this, I was shopping at a dime store and came upon a shelf of very cute little dolls. Porcelain Dolls. Dressed in lace and flowing hair. Who do you think I was reminded of? Of course our Dolly. So I purchased one and brought it to the office. I placed the doll on a shelf in my office and there she sat for around a month.

I was sitting at my desk and there was some chatter down the hall. I tried to block it out and continue what I was doing. I had had enough and got up to close my door. As I got near I heard Dolly and another voice I did not recognize. As I peered around the corner I heard Dolly giggle and say " Yea I like Copper's dress too but it would look so much better on me, my thighs look better than hers".

Now you know ya girl Copper wanted to act a damn fool! I could not be unprofessional, I closed my door and then I saw her. I had almost forgotten she was up there. She had blended into the other little odds and ends I have collected over the years. I grabbed her down and in a fit of anger turned around and threw her at my closed door. She hit the back of it and shattered. My navy blue carpet was covered in chunk and bits of creamy white. The lacy little dress lay in the corner. A knock at the door now. I open it to see Dolly standing there. She sees the destruction in the floor in front of her.

"What happened?" she asks.

"I broke the doll" I said flatly

" Hmm, just as well" she says, "I never though it was a very pretty doll anyway"

I think I will go back to the dime store and buy a case of those little dolls. They are great alternatives to busting some little trick's face cause she crossed the line!

Copper!

The office

I have had requests for more 'office updates'.

I can't lie, I miss them too!

So I will be posting more office stories

I actually need to release some tension from all the insanity here, so back to my sounding board I guess!

Thanks guys,

Copper

Hope you liked it...

Well I have decided to remove my image for here. I liked it better being completely anonymous. Those of you who were "fourtunate" enough to be able put a face to Copper.... I hope you were pleased

Copper

More hilarity...

...surrounding the posting of Me. To clear up any confusion. Yes this is actually me. No borrowed identities here. No it is not a fluke, I really do look like this in person. (hope that's a good thing) So now the question that I pose to you is:

Does it change anything to know the identity of Copper?

Is it more or less intriguing now?

Copper

Drunken Ramblings

I am not drunk yet. I should be well on my way. I can’t seem to get myself to the desired degree of numbness. I don’t usually drink, but lately it seems that I have acquired a taste for vodka and cranberry juice. Grey Goose and I fly well together. I have had a stressful week. I have a few random revelations to share:

Tricks are expected to leave; Don’t be a trick
Always carry extra tampons.
Don’t be fooled into trust
Good friends let you act out your aggression while protecting you from harm
Money really is not everything.
I act like a modern day Geisha, women whom I have great respect for
I confuse my physical pleasure with emotional pleasure
I need a new car
I am starting to enjoy my new position at work, but there is a lot of team building to do
I need to utilize my ‘gut’ feelings more

I need another shot now, please hold…

I am in love with someone that I can never have!
I have one true friend that I am completly honest with

Life isn't all that bad, just look for the good points!

I need to drink on occasion to release these bits o crap that build up in my subconcious

Copper

Just read this...

For Chewy

Yes, your an angel...

(hope they fit)

Copper

Touch

I have come to a realization...

It does not matter how much sex you have. If you do not have the sensation of a loving touch, it cannot be totally fulfilling.

I get so sick of hearing "You can have anyone you want, why are you worried? You should ditch the loser and move on." Well there are some huge problems with that line of thinking. One is that "have" basically translates into "up against the wall, sweatin and moanin" But its empty.

No love. No emotion.

Its unfulfilling.

Makes you crave a gentle caress. Even if its false, why can't someone at least pretend?

I would like to think that I could find both, love and passion.

But fairy tales are for little girls...

Copper

Magic Little Keys

My daughter came running up to me yesterday: "Mommy, Mommy! Look! Magic keys!"

She shows me a handful of old keys. Some were of the skeleton variety and a few resembled the diary keys from my childhood. I was reminded of my "diary days" as a kid. I protected my writings and most intimate secrets with a small gold lock and a tiny key.

Now, right here in my little girl's hand was the same type of key. My moment of nostalgia was overwhelming. I could remember so vividly pouring what little soul I had into those pink pages and when that little lock went on the hasp, my secrets were safe.

Now I suppose my diary keys come in the form of passwords. I still get that sense of satisfaction when I lock up my thoughts in this computer. The difference is that now I have all of these Angels reading my diary along with me.

I love you all!

Copper

Changing of the Guards

Its funny how people get upset with change. I myself don't care much for the concept. I have even bucked it altogether, in certain situations.





But if the change is completely out of your control and you are forced to let it happen, why make it more difficult than it has to be?





There are more than a few people who are not happy with me taking over here. Some thought that they were more qualified than me. Maybe so. But I was asked and I said yes. It was not my choice to be asked, it just happened.





Some feel that they can't work with me. OK, leave. It is not me saying that I cannot work with you. I have stated in an open forum that I can work with anyone here, as long as they work with me.





I am trying to do a good job at MY job. Please try to do the same.

Copper

Oh how good it feels...

I am back again! Oh how I have missed this comfy place! And I have so much to tell you! This crazy whirlwind called life! The changes that have happened, the joy and oh yes, the tears. But all in good time. The most amazing change is that I have been given yet another promotion! God is good! I am not the Administrator. The top of the pyramid in my office. Hard pill to swallow, for myself and others (good story here for later)

So I hope I find all my lost friends here again. I would not blame anyone for giving up on me. I will be posting at least once per week. Possibly more, but don't hold me to anymore than that. This job is going to take some time to get my arms around so please be patient.

Wow I feel so much better now!

Copper

Liar, Liar

Why lie to me? I have a friend that I had ordered some products from. Like 4 weeks ago. She told me that she had sent the order off and I could expect my stuff soon. I was asking around the office and found out that she really did not place the order until last week. The whole time, she had been lying to me. The worst part is that she told the other people that ordered from her the truth. THEY knew not to be expecting anything. She just keeps on with her fairy tale about the truck being late, and the company messing up the order, etc.

My question is:

Since I know for certain that she is still lying to me, do I call her on it? Or do I let it slide and just not buy anything from her again? We used to be close friends. We are no where near as close as we used to be, but I still considered us to be on a level of truth and trust. I think its pretty foul to just take my money, use it on your bills, and send the product order off when you get your paycheck 2 weeks later.

What do you think?

Copper

Work Weak

I'm still here guys. Just buried underneath a load of paperwork. Work has been SO hectic. I had to work all weekend too. So I have not had a day off in two and a half weeks. I need rest. When I try to rest, my cell phone rings and makes more work. Heaven forbid I miss a call and someone has to leave a voice mail. You would thin the world was coming to an end. I am still glad that I made the change to this department, the money is EXCELLENT and I have been blessed to have the opportunity to learn about the procedures, but wow, it becomes overwhelming sometimes.

I have been missing reading every ones posts. I will get up to speed as soon as I can catch a break here.

I want to say a formal hello to everyone who let themselves be known to me, and do not typically comment. I appreciate each of you, thank you for taking the time out to read my thoughts. If you see something that you would like to comment on, please feel free!

I will be posting a little more often this week, so keep checking with me! I miss you guys! I'll be back soon.

An 80's baby

I had a fun childhood. Kids today are too tied into technical, electronic, and expensive interests. What ever happened getting out of school for the summer and spending almost all day outside. We were either able or forced to entertain ourselves with limited supplies.

What ever happened to games like:


Kick the Can


Hide and Seek


Red Rover, Red Rover


H.O.R.S.E. or


Mother May I?





What about the cartoons? There were no super computer-animated graphics, just hand drawn wholesome characters. Do you remember:


The Smurfs


The MonchiChi's


Rainbow Brite


Jem and the Misfits


Sailor Moon


He-Man





Then I became a teenager. Late 80's rap, rock and pop:





Too Short


Run DMC


Cindy Lauper


Madonna


Toto


Prince


Easy-E


Michael Jackson


Kix


Joan Jett


Lita Ford


Alice Cooper





I had the big hair, the off the shoulder ripped tees, torn acid washed jeans. Wore hot pink lipstick and bright blue eyeshadow. I was cool! no, I was Rad!





The 80's: A happy time to live.

Falling Down

Friday was painful. There is no real way to tell you about this and depict the scenario in real-life quality, but I will give it a try:

As you well know, the last few weeks have been exhausting for me. By the end last week, the kids, the old man and work had all taken their toll on my body and my sanity. So, it was not surprising to me that when I got home on Friday, to an empty house, I laid on my bed with the intentions of consuming a bit of alcohol and watching CSI.

It all began well. Vodka and Cranberry, two ice cubes, short glass. Fresh pack of smokes and the remote. The episode of CSI that was coming on I had seen previously. It usually makes no difference because Warrick keeps my interest. But this time even he could not keep me awake. I fell into a light comfy slumber. A little while later I am startled awake by knocking at the front door. I set up straight and swing my legs around, preparing obviously, to see who has came to visit.

At this point, I have no idea that I have been resting in a position that evidently cut all circulation off to my left leg, from the hip down. Now I am not talking about the "falling asleep" that still allows you the warning tingle, you know the one that says " Hey! Thought ya might wanna know that I am NOT fully functional right now!" See I didn't get the message. My leg was asleep to the point of absolutely no feeling, from the hip down.

I jump up, take one step and hit the hardwood floor ~ HARD ~ with my left ass cheek. The knocking continues. I pull myself up, still unsure of what the hell just happened, and fall again! Same cheek, this time adding a 3inch scrape to my ass. Now I begin to crawl... In pain. I get to the door, whoever was there has now gone and I lay against the wall, breathing heavily.

THE AFTERMATH

Bruises on both elbows

Football size bruise in my left thigh

Long scrape on my ass cheek

Carpet burns on both knees

Still tired...

Copper

Are you peeking?

I was inspired by Bart's last post (http://www.bartraeke.com/2007/05/roll-call.html). I HAVE a stat counter and just in the last few weeks, have payed attention to all of the information that it can provide. What I have found is that this information is really more irritating than helpful! I get all kinds of useless information. Like the operating systems of the users that visit this place. Why do I need to know that? What am I ever gonna do with the knowledge of the screen resolution that you guys have? It DOES tell me the country and region that people are logging on from. But that about as exciting as it gets. SO...

If I could possibly be indulged for a moment, could any of the readers that I don't know exist let me be aware of you? If you don't have a blogger account, you can post an anonymous comment and at least let me know WHY I interest you... In fact, I would kind of like to know that from everybody "Why do I intrigue you all enough to continue to read me?"

I most definitely am not posting this to scare anyone off!! PLEASE, PLEASE don't go away! I am just curious as to who and why..

So, thank you Bart, for inspiring me. Hope you don't mind. You are always a great read!!

Now everyone play the game with me, please..

Copper

A reference, an apology, and a dream

Some of you many remember this post:

http://copperstiletto.blogspot.com/2007/02/holy-matri-what-hell.html

I was hurt and yes a little angry. But I suppose that I also over-reacted. This a very special kind of man and I owe him an apology. He has found love, and even above that, he is doing what is right for his family. She is good woman and mother. I am certain that she will make him happy. I have no right to be jealous or angry. But I do envy her!

But, I do not have to, and would not, release my dream of happiness. I have said that I always want what I cannot have. But I am allowed to dream whatever I please...

The Pisser

We have three restrooms at my office. All of them uni-sex. Personally, I try to avoid the use of ANY public restrooms, including the ones at work. Of course, during a 9 to 10 hour day, I find myself needing to make use of the facilities at least once. Now comes the question: Which restroom is safest today? Sounds silly, huh? Well not when you take all the players involved into consideration...





1. The janitor: He is supposed to keep things clean and tidy, right? Well, when you smell of cheap wine and Beech-Nut (chewing tobacco), it is hard to leave the essence of "clean" in the air. So its best to "go" before he gets started on the restrooms for the day





2. The shitty secretary: Nice lady, got to love her.. except that every day around 2:00, you know to avoid the restroom beside the fax machine. In fact, best practice would be to make sure and send ALL faxes for the day, before lunch. The aroma tends to bleed through the door frame and contaminate the entire fax/copy room area





3. Mr. Pissy: Its simple, he works Monday, Wednesday and Friday. His office is near the main conference room restroom and he can't aim. Nuf' said.





4: Various Vagrants: We get a lot of drop in "potty dancers" that come to the front desk asking to use the restroom. They are sent to one in the lobby. But odds are that they spend much more time "shootin up or smokin up" than "zipping up". We have found their various articles and instruments, left behind in their haste. It's great!





So where does all this leave me? Balancing on my toes so that my ass is at least 2 inches away from the seat, trying to pee into the hole in the center, holding my clothes from touching the floor. Breathing as few breaths as possible and trying desperately not to black out.





Good times!!

My secrets

Everyone here already knows that I am a huge fan of http://postsecret.blogspot.com/. I was reading this weeks entrys and the very first one reminded me of a secret of my own. SO.. I decided to make a list of some of my secrets, that if I had time, I would make postcards for and mail in myself. I wonder if this will be embarrasing or liberating, but here goes:

Since my grandfather passed away, every time I see an old man I have the urge to run up and hug him. Usually I just try not to cry.

I am embarrased that I had my first child at 15

I blame myself for my second childs disability, I feel like my body failed her

I am never satisfied

I get mad when I see happy couples, I thought that we all should be able to have that

I am jealous of Barbie, she has everything that I want

When I get stressed, I have an alternate life that I revert to in my subconcious

I happen to LOVE the fact that I am adopted and it makes me mad when people say

"Oh, thats so sad!"

I compare myself to almost every woman I meet.

..... thats enough for now

Missing

Immature? (hurt feelings)

I wish that every man that has ever looked at me and said that I was immature could walk around in my 4inch heels for a day! I hate letting ANYONE down! But sometimes it is inevitable! I try very hard to please everyone. I know it can't be done, but I still try! I have many people that are in positions to ask certain things of me. I want to please each and everyone of them, but when circumstances arise that make me choose one person's needs over the other, someone ALWAYS ends up disappointed. I guess that I do not always make the right choice, but in most cases I don't actually see a RIGHT choice, just choices. I was told today that I am blind even though I walk around with my eyes open. This was from someone that I have much respect for and I wish had a little for me. I don't understand why I want this person to be pleased with me, cause the truth is that I feel if I ever was able to, it would be short lived.

More from Red Heifer and Big Momma

I got an email from Tracie:

Hey listen to this BULL SHIT........
well this week Trena asked Rob to work on every other weekend for her at a site because she doesn't have staff and he is looking for a 2nd job every other weekend and PRN on Mondays... Well he said ok that he would and did his training this week after he got off work and now she (Big Momma) changed the policy and now it states that no one that is related to anyone can work here.....
SHE IS A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am so tried of this shit i can scream....
and mom is so stressed out she can cry....
i am glad someone can get out of this HELL hole.....
well i had to get out somewhere and you were the lucky one.....
Sorry it had to be you!!!!!
Hope you have a great day!!!
Love ya girl!!!!
Tracie

Then I got this one:

girl there is so much shit going on here it isn't funny you better be glad you got out of here when you did....
Remember me telling you she change that one policy that family couldn't work here....
well now she has changed the dress code policy... i can't wear my flip flops and if you were here you couldn't wear your high heels....
and a lot of talk about letting BITCH come back....
if so i am LEAVING... if i don't have a job oh well i will find one....
Do you have any every other weekend job openings?????
If so let me know....
my mom is so stressed out she is about to have a break down....
oh and i can't wear basically all my clothes she went through there and wrote basically everything i wear down....
Girl, i am about to scream......
e-mail me back
Tracie

I find it odd that NOW she decides that Nepotism is a real issue. Its hilarious that when questioned about her Lil Heifer daughter working there she said that they were "grandfathered" in since they were both there before the new policy was written. By the way, Lil' Heifer is now working back at the office that she was "banned" (ha) from. Big surprise!

The best part is that I have filed a grievance about my last paycheck. So Big Momma got a Big Shock coming to her when she gets a call from the State Department of Labor.

I do hope that Tracie finds something to save her from the nightmare she is having to endure!

Copper

To quote emimem

......but in this industry I'm the cause of a lot of envy,

so when i am not put on this list the shit does not offend me.

Thats why you see me walk around like nothings bothering me.

Even though half you people got a fuckin problem with me.

You hate it but you know respect you've got to give me....

I hope this survey is over soon!

I also hope all this animosity at work dies down soon!!

Don't hate me for doing my job, its what I am here for. Don't sweat what I do, just do YOU!!

Inspect This!!!!

We are getting ready for inspection at the office. That's why I have not been too active lately. Seems like all efforts get redirected to WORK! I have not been able to go tan, give myself a manicure, take the dog to the groomers, any of that. The kids don't understand why mom stays on the phone giving orders all evening, after doing the same thing at the office for 8 hours! I am so over it!! If the next two weeks go off without a hitch it will all be worth it though!! More later...

Copper

Isn't it ironic?

Irony follows me. Usually its laughable, sometimes not. But I was in a reflective mood, so I googled "irony". I liked these quotes and thought I would share them:

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.”

Erica Jong

“The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.”

Robert A. Heinlein

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch”

Jack Nicholson

“"Why does everyone run toward a blood curdling scream? It is contrary to all sense."

Terry Pratchett

“A mind is like a parachute. If it doesn't open, you're fucked!”

Don Williams Jr.

Faster, Baby, Faster!

TOP 10 REASONS WHY SEX AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT IS NOT A GOOD IDEA

10. Short Stuff: According to the relativistic theory of length contraction, this is an inevitable consequence of having sex at the speed of light. An average penis of length 13cm traveling at 99% the speed of light will contract down to a length of only 1.8cm (this is about the same length as the smallest functional penis officially recorded). At the speed of light, length contraction leads to an interesting situation in which the penis seems to have no length at all, but is still managing to have sex somehow. (Sounds like a few past hook-ups, and it was NOT due to contraction!)

9. Da black hole: At the speed of light, relativity also predicts that the penis will essentially become a black hole. When its owner realises that his penis has turned into a black hole, he will become profoundly depressed and overcome by a feeling of loss. John Bobbitt would understand; but Mr Bobbitt had his penis sewn back on, whereas a penis lost to a black hole is a penis lost forever.

8. A ghost of your former self: If the penis is not lost to a black hole, it will be lost to the uncaring force of friction. A penis traveling in and out of a vagina at close to the speed of light will be subjected to enormous resistance. Since the resistance is co-related to speed, this will heat up the penis enormously. The temperature of the resulting internal environment will be so high that the penis molecules will actually undergo a phase transition into a gas, vaporising the penis almost instantaneously.

7. Flaming spew: In the unlikely event that a vaporised penis can perform ejaculation, then the semen will create enormous air resistance, burst into flames almost instantaneously, and generate enormous impact forces. These forces will be sufficient to pierce a small hole straight through a woman's lower torso, just like a speeding bullet, only incinerating the surrounding tissue as it passes through.

6. Dead Fu**: Unfortunately, the woman will probably be dead before ejaculation anyway. According to the relativistic theory of time dilation, then if the man is to actually thrust in and out at a speed close to the speed of light, then from his point of view, his partner will be ageing extremely quickly, and will be long dead before he ejaculates. Legally, he will be committing necrophilia. (eww)

5. Money shot: Dead fu**, flaming spew and penile black hole formation are all very dramatic, but unfortunately they don't translate well onto the big screen. In reality, sex would only last for a fraction of a second, and would appear as a sort of muddy grayish white smudge, since the eye merges all images together at such high speeds. This is probably not visually appealing enough to make a porn-at-the-speed-of-light series out of.

4. Religious values: Certain branches of Christianity would view porn-at-the-speed-of-light immoral anyway. It's in the Bible.

3. Property damage: A penis is made up of a collection of charged molecules, and accelerating charged molecules emit radiation. To accelerate charged penis molecules up to the speed of light in a single thrust requires crazy speeds. This would produce a frequency and intensity of radiation similar to that produced by a small nuclear explosion. It may be worth hiring out a hotel room if you don't want your own room obliterated.

2. Big Bang Theory: As a penis works up to the speed of light, it will inevitably break the sound barrier, producing deafening sonic booms with every inward and outward thrust. If the neighbours haven’t already been woken by your moaning, they will be now. Or then again maybe not, because they will be conveniently deafened and unable to hear you.

1. Excessive dietary requirements: The amount of energy needed to get an average

person up to 99% the speed of light for a single inward thrust is outrageous. It is equivalent to the amount of energy gained by consuming 78 trillion crackers. But 78 trillion crackers will increase an average person’s mass by approximately 1.2 trillion kilograms, requiring them to eat even more crackers just to speed up this additional load up to the speed of light. Nine out of ten nutritionists may recommend whole grains, but this is slightly more than the recommended daily intake.

In conclusion, better try the "slow poke"!!!

Copper

Can you ever forgive me?

I have been gone for an eternity I know. I did not mean to leave with no notice, but sometimes things happen that are out of our control.

That said, I want to applogise for leaving David hanging. I was scheduled to judge the blog awards last week and with all the equipment trouble that I have been having, I was never able to tell him I was unable to log on. So David, I am truly sorry!

Work is going well. Its been very busy here, which I guess is a good thing. I have job security that way.

The old man is pressuring me to tie the knot. I will have to make a detailed post for you about this one, its amazing. I don't understand why he wants to marry me so bad. We don't even like each other!

I got drunk and went bowling this weekend. Well actually, I went bowling and was feeling so self conscious about my skills that I decided to try and dull the embarrassment of gutter balls, by knockin back way too many. Then when I had finally decided that I had had enough, here comes the owner of the place (I think he thought my ass was cute) comes up, bottle in hand, and says "Ya gotta try this sweetie, just got 'em in today. They are new, you'll love it" I did. I drank 4 of them. Then walked home. Left the car at the bowling alley. Who needed it? I was feelin too good! I have also decided that I like to bowl....

So sorry that this has been so short, but I am back up and runnin. I might even post again later today!

Copper

TGIF!

I am so freakin happy that it is Friday! Its a beautiful day outside. I have a few things that I can do as an excuse to get out of the office and I am thinking that I will take advantage of that. I do have a slight headache/toothache, not sure which really. But its cool, cause I am finished for the week. The old man got pissed at me this morning cause he wanted me to be late today. We argued about it last night, but he is selfish and does not understand true responsibility. So he will just have to be mad. I seriously don't care! He can just get glad in the same pants he got mad in! It wouldn't bother me if he simply collected his belongings and moved on. I talked to his mother yesterday. She confirmed my fears that if he was put out, she would not let him move back in with her. This makes me feel a little sorry for his dumb ass.

I would love to go outside and smoke a cigarette. But is early. Not happening yet. I would love to drive back home and lay in the sun in the back yard. This probably won't happen at all, cause by the time I get home, all the sunnin will be over for the day. Guess I could try a gas station tannin bed, huh? NEVER AGAIN. I still have nightmares involving bright lights and latex.

So everyone have a great weekend, I'll see you on Monday. Oh and I believe that I will be judging AussieJourno's blog awards next week, so the posts may be slow, we'll see.

Copper

Welcome to the black parade

Why you so mad?

Why is it that we hold grudges? Against the chic that your old man slept with, the guy that beat you out of the position at work or even the teacher that made you cry in middle school. I am really bad about this. I am not sure that "Forgive and Forget" is in me. I make an honest effort, I really do, but it seems that I get led back anger as soon as those old memories pop in for a visit. My mind likes to torment itself, re-living painful times, remembering detailed conversations, eventually resulting in me getting pissed off all over again. When I was younger, this used to get me into a lot of trouble. I would literally go out looking for the the person that I felt had wronged me, vowing to damage them or their life in some way. I got into way too many altercations, thankfully, I have avoided a criminal record. But now, post-children, I just keep all that anger locked up. Unhealthy, but extremely hard to get over. Its funny though, almost as fast as I stopped trying to "repay the favor" myself, I realized that what goes around, DOES come back around. (Wow, i think i just plagiarized Justin Timberlake, hope HE don't hold a grudge!)

Blogs to make you think

I was informed this morning that my blog makes my dear friend David McMahon think. That sentence sounds odd to me. It is flattering to know that my writing is more than words. I am extremely honored. I do believe that writing this blog has been one of the most rewarding things that I have undertaken in life.

With this honor comes a challenge: To in turn link to 5 blogs that make ME think.

After much reading and thought, I have decided upon the following blogs:

http://chewy-myblog.blogspot.com/ I spend alot of time looking at her creations. They draw you in.

http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/ This is an extremely popular blog. I re-read the rules and there are no exclusions listed, so when it comes to making me think, this site is guaranteed.

http://inconstantdirective.blogspot.com/ The mad doctor will always get the mind to twist.

http://open-and-explore.blogspot.com/ Keeps me updated on live outside the United States.

http://adarkershadeofblack.blogspot.com/ Gives me at look at life from a different perspective. A long time favorite.



Finally, Here is the link to David's Blog. He is the makes us all think!! Thank you David, for the opportunity!

authorblog: Gold, Frankincense And Mur

The Shower

The only circumstances that a man and a woman should be in a shower together is for sexual purposes. Any other time, its just a nightmare! Don't get me wrong, shower sex is great, but if the intent is to "get clean" not "get off"' so "get outta my way!"

Standing in the back of the shower, covered in suds, freezing, while a man stands there blocking all the water, staring at me and smiling (at least HE'S enjoying this), is NEVER what I had planned. It starts innocently enough. I get into the shower. Get my hair wet and all lathered up. I start to rinse the shampoo out and hear the bathroom door open. So he comes in and starts to chat, and its never about anything either. This should tip me off, but I keep talking none the less. I turn to face the water and wash the day's Maybelline from my eyes, and feel this sudden rush of cold. Like standing in front of a ice cream freezer naked, (just trust me on this one, I know this sensation). I intantly know that I have been invaded. I am also instantly pissed off. So of course, he grumbles, its cold back here, so I let him get wet and its all down hill from here. Soap drying to my body. Conditioner dripping down my back. I just let him finish.

As he smiles at me he has no clue that I just washed my ass with that body puff he is scrubbing his face with... maybe there is a reason to smile after all!

Happy Single Showering !!!

Copper

So judgemental!

I judge people. I its not intentional most of the time. Its almost a reflex. I read a cute blog of a friend of that talked about the natural urge to look at the grocery carts of the people in line before you. Then make small judgements about their purchases. I look at my own cart and think "damn if someone is paying attention, they must think I'm nuts!" Take this sample receipt that I found in my purse:

120z sour cream

10ct magnum condoms

toilet bowl brush

blue ice tray (4)

lg breed canine leash/woven

5lb Dixie crystals cane sugar

6x4 wire screening

1ct electrical tape

If I found this receipt and drew my own conclusions, I would think the person was into some serious S&M, in reality, I was repairing my dog lot and an X-box controller, making baked potatoes for supper and sweet tea to go with it. The condoms, well a girl gotta do something after all that to unwind!

That said, its not just grocery carts. I look at people and try to figure them out too. A bad habit. Its unfair to others, I know, but at least I keep my opinions to myself. Good thing too. Because I try to figure out stuff like: who are they sleeping with, who are they trying to sleep with? Would I eat from their kitchen, (another blog in itself), do they have pets, are the secretly emo? Is that her real hair? nails? tits? Is that what I think it is in his pants, and if it is does he have a ring on his left hand? A tan line where the ring is supposed to go, but he saw me checkin him out, and hid the ring and attempted to hide something else in his pants?

The list just goes on and on. Sometimes I just pull up a bench to the world and watch, laugh and wonder...

Copper

I am such a naughty mood!

Guess its best I just keep my mouth shut today. But a picture really does say 1000 words!

Obsess Much?

I have been "tagged". I am now faced with the task of listing five things that I am obsessed with.

Dictionary.com defined obsession as:

ob·ses·sion –noun
1. the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.
2. the idea, image, desire, feeling, etc., itself.
3. the state of being obsessed.
4. the act of obsessing.

So if I use 1. as my parameters, this task now graduates to a challenge. But lets begin.

1. My Appearance ~ This is a biggie, and yes it does dominate my thoughts. I was raised to be this way. I do not know any better. On my indecisive days, I will change outfits 2 or 3 times before leaving the house. I am constantly afraid that the one day that I go out looking like "who shot John" that I will just happen to run into someone of the presidency level. Insane notion, I know. But nonetheless dominate. Luckily, I love my body and the way that I look. Not to sound conceited, I am a far cry from perfection, but I am pleased.

2. Finances ~ I constantly re-evaluate my financial situation. I do not like the feeling of owing money to anyone.

3. My children's safety ~ If I could cage them in the cellar and home school them I would. Just today there was another shooting on school grounds. A college campus this time. The world is a scary place.

4. Shoes ~ Not a joke. I LOVE shoes. It is the my "one thing". Women know what I mean. Each of us have made this statement: I know I shouldn't spend money on it, but its my "one thing" that I myself, and I deserve it! So this is mine. Even if I don't buy anything I still like to look.

5. This blog ~ I love doing this. It really allows me an outlet for release. Its non-judgemental. But I get feedback and its very important to me. I have always wanted to be a writer, but that's not going to happen, so this is my supplement. I can act a fool if I want. Be serious. Whatever, its all accepted and even if nobody ever read it, at least it found its way out of my system.

Hey, thanks Lady_T, that was fun!

There ya go,

Copper

Love me when I'm gone

Today I learned that while I was away, I remained on Aussiejourno's Top Blog List. I am astonished. So thanks to everyone who has stuck with me, and thanks to all of the new readers that I am getting. I promise to try to stay entertaining while maintaining true Copper style!!

HOT SEX?

I love to lay in tanning beds. I know that there are many risks involved, but nothing is good for you in excess. So last night, I set out after work to have my body baked for 20 minutes. I typically go to one of the local tanning parlors. Its a nice atmosphere. Palm trees painted on the walls. The smell of coconut and Pine-Sol fill the air in a sweet and sour mix that is somehow comforting. When I tan here its a refreshing experience. The cost per visit is around $4.50. I have always felt that it is worth it, a small price to pay for relaxation and the added benefit of glowing skin.

When I arrived at my usual spot, I was alarmed at the amount of cars in the parking lot. The place does not make appointments, first come first serve. I walk in, look around and my spirits drop. There are 9 people in the waiting room. This is a 5 bed facility and all are currently occupied. I inquire about my wait time: "It'll be 'bout 45 minutes, hon. Just take a seat." I'm not feelin it. I get in my car to leave. Dammit, now what? In was really looking forward to that. Then I remembered a conversation that I had with a friend of a friend:

HER: Ooh, I love your tan. Where do you go?

ME: Electric Sun, I like it there. Have you ever been?

HER: Well yea. A long time ago, but I got sick of paying all that money when I can go to the BP Gas Station and tan for $2.

ME: Are the beds the same? Do they work as well?

HER: Oh yea, their the exact same beds. Its the only place I will go.

So here I am, thinking about this. What do I have to loose? At least I will get to tan. So I pull up and park at the gas station. This feels a little weird. I go up the the counter and ask the lady about the tanning beds. She smells of cheese doodles and coffee. This should have been a warning sign. I pay the lady her two bucks and am lead behind a set of beer coolers two bed #2 of 3 possible beds. I go in.

The floor is the old plastic tile and most are popping up and peeling. There is a fan in the corner that has about an inch of dust on the blades and long hairs of all colors, that have been sucked in, are blowing out towards me. I tentatively begin to dis-robe. Carefully placing my clothes in the lawn chair that has been provided. For my "comfort" I presume. I'd have to be out of my mind to allow my ass to touch this chair! I now notice the bed itself. The bottom half looks decent. The stickers are peeling from the sides, and there are tiny cracks along the edges of the plexiglass bottom. But still usable, i guess.

Then i raise the top. I swear this is no joke:

THERE IS A USED CONDOM STUCK BETWEEN THE PLEXIGLASS TOP AND THE TANNING BULBS!!

I gagged!! It couldn't have been there long. It was not melted, I guess latex would melt under those conditions, never tried.

How did this get there? Why was it left? As a joke? (not funny) Accidental? (no way) So needless to say, I re-dress. I don't even stop by the counter to ask for my money back or report the situation. (Which I should have done, and now feel a bit guilty about)

Guess you get what you pay for!

Copper

I majored in Street 101

Street 101

Funny how many jobs require a degree in order to even get an interview. Your degree does not even have to be in a relevant field. You could major in journalism, and apply for a position in a human services field. It wouldn’t matter, you would at least pull a meeting. But if you did not finish and actually earn a degree, you are left with a possible “experience in lieu of degree” interview. Would it not be wonderful if all of the life experiences that you have had could be rolled over into college credit? With that said I present to you:

Copper Street University

Offering the following courses:

Hood Rat-ology
In this course you will learn how to classify all the females that you will encounter in life. We will cover bitches and hoes, strawberries and heads. You will see, first hand, who can be detrimental to your lifestyle and who you can use to make a come-up. Ladies, you especially want to takes this class so you can learn who your real girls are and if you learn nothing else in this class, you will know that you CAN’T TRUST BITCHES.

Side Hustle 101
Here you will learn that anything can be bought or sold. You just have to find the right person and price. You CAN make money and SHOULD make money. If you see a good deal, take it. There will always be someone to push it off on down the road.

Project Carpentry
This is one I’ve learned and regularly put into use. You can fix anything. Believe that. Look around. That hole in the drywall, hang a picture over it. The drawer in the kitchen that won’t slide right? Just jerk that thing out and let the kids play with it on the stoop, you don’t have to deal with it then. See how easy this is? The best thing is once you master carpentry, you automatically know Project Electronics. Batteries get low ~ toss ‘em in the freezer, they will work again. Can’t get the local channel on the TV? Wrap the “rabbit ear antennas” with tin foil. Perfect clarity as long as you stand to the left of the couch and the microwave door is left partially open.

Street Vocab
What do they mean sellin “cookies?” or “chicken?” Straight drop what? Who’s a head? How many “cousins” can one man have? Why would you toss a perfectly good pair of sneakers way up there? And other questions that you may have asked yourself. I had a great professor lined up to teach this class, he majored in Ghetto Pharmaceuticals, but he is currently unavailable. So this class will have to be put on hold for 5 to 10, but at 30% with good time…. Uh we better just hold off on this one.

Copper

I love you Tracie

Ok yall, not 5 min after my last post my friend Tracie calls to see if I am ok and offered to let me borrow her husband and a sledge hammer to fix my problem. Although I have declined her generous offer, she made me feel better and thats what counts. Its nice to know that someone cares and is looking out for you. Even if its just idle threats, created for our amusement, it helped my mood.

So thanks Tracie!! You mean the world to me !

Depressed today

A fight at home before work with the old man

Foot bruised, throat swollen and brusied, ego bruised worse. Hate feeling defeated!!

Sorry I haven't been up-beat last few posts...

Copper

Action to Reaction

If I was to get philosophical for a moment, would you bare with me? I am in an odd place today. Almost as if I were outside, looking in on myself and, well life, in general. I wonder what makes people do the things that they do. Obviously, and all you psych majors out there can correct me if I have forgotten some key element here, everything the we do is seeking a reaction of some sort. Whether good or bad, still we are seeking a reaction. The way that we dress, speak, look at others, etc. All seeking reactions. Sometimes we do things just to annoy or anger someone, we even seek revenge in certain situations.

Reactions… so what reactions am I seeking? I want my children to become strong Christian adults, with will to succeed. I want my dog to be bigger and stronger than all the others on the block. I want my car to smell like Blunt Power every day of the week. www.bluntpower.com, for all those curious. When I get dressed each day, I am seeking the reaction of “damn that is one tough bitch”! I suppose that if I had to make a list of wants and needs and then balance them with my actions, I would find that I am focused on myself most often. I like to be the center of attention. I enjoy competition with other females. I assume that stems from my Beauty Queen days, but I thrive on it, none the less.

But that’s all small scale. What about the big picture? What are my large ticket ‘items of life’? I am doing this on the fly, but let me try to wrap my mind around this:

Copper’s List of “Life Items Needed”

A house of my own, in my name only, using only my credit. DONE
A job where I feel valued and the compensation is enough to get me out of this living month to month rut. IN PROGRESS
A car that does not screech when I start it in cold weather and the A/C works. Guess this one will have to wait, due to the fulfillment of #1. NOT YET
A man who will respect me for who I am and love me, including all of my flaws, unconditionally. This man will also have to have an unfaltering commitment to me, and me only. This is probably the most far fetched item on the list, due to the fact that I am unsure that this person even exists. I suppose that it is possible, I may have even met this person on the street and maybe spoken a kind word or friendly hello. But how do I ever find my way back to him? This one will have to be left up to God to orchestrate. Heaven knows I’ve had no luck on my own! NOT YET/(even possible?)
My children to not deposit me in a Nursing Home in my old age. I am attempting to combat this one by giving them all the love, attention and affection as possible, in hopes that I will receive the same care when Alzheimer’s kicks in. IN PROGRESS

So are my actions actually seeking my desired reactions? Or am I completely misguiding myself? I believe I am headed somewhere, I just have no idea where. Guess we’ll find out together.

I always want what i cant have...

Nuf' Said..

MMM......... dammit!

SuperWOMAN Returns

This has been a crazy couple of weeks guys! I have been trying to get back here, but something always came up.

Updates:

1.The Red Heifer ~ Two days after I left she puts in her resignation also. Says to Tracie and the gang that she feels she would be better off somewhere else. What I want to know is why it took her so long to figure that one out. If she had made that decision a couple of weeks earlier, then I may have re-thought my decision to leave. But its only superficial. Truth is 'Momma' kept the bitch on the payroll, and she is still terrorizing Tracie.

2.Tracie and Big Momma ~ Tracie emailed Big Momma and told her about herself and her heifer daughter. This was priceless. One of those that you want to print and frame. The end result was a meeting with Tracie and Big Momma where Tracie was told that the problem was not Heifer but Tracie and her attitude! Yea, OK. Needless to say, Tracie is now searching for another place of occupation. I feel for her. She is forced to labor in an environment of contention, and given my current situation, i understand her frustration.

3.My new job ~ Picture being a high paid alien. You land on a planet inhibited by folks who have been shunned and ignored by their leader. Accomplishments unrecognized and unrewarded. Salaries that do not equal the amount of personal sacrifice expended. Now, all of the people on the planet are aware of your compensation level, because the leader painted it on the side of your spaceship and announced your arrival so that everyone was prepped to point and stare. (anyone gettin the picture?) So, this is fun. I have one friend here, and he is put in an odd position, because of this. I sincerely do not want him to be labeled as a traitor. He, like me, has an extremely strong personality, and we are in the process of negotiating the terms of our friendship.

4. My thoughts ~ I am an emotional wreck. I need peace or at the least a drug induced calm. I cannot get either. I honestly just need a hug! The "old man" is not providing any sort of comfort, as usual, if its not about him its not important. My buddy Jody is going through personal crisis and I cannot burden him with my problems. And just like always, I can't talk to my mom because I can't stand the thought of her worrying about me. So I just tell her that everything is wonderful, marvelous, and spectacular...then go cry in the bathroom.

5. So now what? ~ Well this I know... I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED never have been, and never will be. This is one bitch that will conquer all! I have my pride and my beautifully shaped ass, I will make it! (attempt at forced humor)

But for the most part, I am pleased with my decision. Life is never easy. There will always be challenges, but the pack leader always pulls to the front! I'll be back on top and ridin the hell outta this bull in due time!

(more later)

Copper